(i did not reply to any of these messages and decided to block this user after the last message)

Oct 2

Oi is that you?

Have you got two profile on here or something?

Nice photos btw.

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Well, if it isn’t who I thought it was, hi!

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Oct 3

Your skin is so very sublime. I love the glow that the camera catches off the cupcake which pales in comparison to the glow exuded by your face.

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Oh, that hat. you continue to surprise me miss _____. I find it hard to believe that is your name, I’d guess you as more of an Elanor.

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They say some men grow up to marry their own mum.

Thing is, I’ve come to terms with this and am looking for a girlfriend that reminds me of my mum. When I saw your profile, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. “Mum?” I gasped. Not believing that she would put herself on such a dating website, far be it from her. I then came to my senses and realised you are my dream women.

Marry me?

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Oct 12

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY. I WISH, I WISH I WERE A DOG SO I COULD SUCK MYSELF OFF.