“hey there.. waddup? i’m matt. nice to “meet” ya. you seem really interesting and fun and you’re absolutely adorable so i just had to send ya a message and say hi! anyway, i’m gonna be perfectly honest with ya and get straight to the point… i’d love to tie you up in my basement and have my way with you. wait, no, that came out wrong. i don’t even have a basement. ;] what i meant to say was that i’d love to get to know you