Esquire Theme by Matthew Buchanan
Social icons by Tim van Damme

02

Apr

To bad you have no follow through

Hello, how goes your day. Yeah its nice to read someone whose got a bit of depth. If you were a blog id read you every day. Btw, Berkeley is a magical place to me. Peace movement started there. Huge history. Do you know studio city/Hollywood area. I know Marin, san rafel, napa, sabastopol, etc.

[next day]

To bad you have no follow through. You see im actually part owner of one of the jets in my profile and in negotiations to purchase another one outright on my own from Vancouver. Im in aviation, celebrity transport. Yep, one of those wealthy men whose looking for his cinderella. And normal. Good luck.

10

Sep

Ping pong

So it says that you enjoy being gagged. Or you enjoy gagging your partner. Remind me of ghat japanese film in the realm of the senses. 

Hi my name is heath. I dont usually start out the conversation this way but i was surprised by your answer. 

From your profile i wouldnt have guessed that you were so “kinky”, but reading your questions changed that. Anyways do you enjoy ping pong? 

My names heath

09

Sep

Includes a “fable”

Note: this guy had messaged me 2 times when I had my old OkCupid account and once to my new account. He had stalked me for awhile before sending me a new message to my new account.

"well, I know this will be the third time I’m messaging you and trust me, this will be the last. I don’t even know if you’ll ever read it but here goes.

I probably bombed extremely hard on the last 2 messages but it’s hard for a guy to say the right things to a beautiful girl. People say the first impression means everything and that puts a lot a pressure on the guys too.

Well, this is me. From the moment I looked at your pictures and read your profile, I thought you were amazing. I’m the type to tell you my favorite candy is skittles because I would love it if you brought me candy all the time. I rather stay in on a Friday night with a good book than drink now. I’ve watched everything on your list of favorite movies/shows and every single one of my friends had compared me to Marshall from HIMYM. I would also love cute messages because I would always respond with a :) too because I can’t help it if you make me smile.

I also have a story to tell you… you may have heard of it or you may not but this story is something I’ve never forgotten.

Once upon a time,
A king gave a feast for the loveliest princesses in the realm
Now, a soldier who was standing guard saw the king’s daughter go by.
She was the most beautiful of all and he instantly fell in love
But what is a simple soldier next to the daughter of the king?
Well, at last he succeeded in meeting her and told her he could no longer live without her.
The princess was so taken by the depth of his feeling that she said to the soldier
“If you can wait for 100 days and 100 nights under my balcony at the end I shall be yours.
With that the soldier went and waited one day, two days, then ten, then twenty
Each evening the princess looked out and he never moved.
In rain, in wind, in snow, he was always there
birds shit on his head, bees stung him
but he didn’t budge
At the end of the 90 nights, he had become all dry, all white.
Tears streamed from his eyes
He couldn’t hold them back
He didn’t even have the strength to sleep.
All that time the princess watched him.
At long last it was the 99th night,
and the soldier stood up, took his chair, and left.

do you know why he left?

One more night and the princess would be his but she might have broken her promise and that would have been terrible.
It would have killed him.
This way, at least for 99 nights, he had lived with the illusion that she was waiting for him.

and this is why I’m deleting my profile.

I hope you’ll live a long and happy life.

goodbye (MY OLD USERNAME/CURRENT USERNAME)

-Will”

?

No thanks…

Glad we settled that then.

08

Sep

u have a nice set of teeth! i like it..i think we should hangout sometime :-)

CFNM

Hey, 

I’m a young professional in Boston looking for some CFNM (Clothed Female, Nude Male) fun. This is nothing sexual… just casual nudity. I could cook or clean for you or we can just hang out. Friends are also welcome to join. 

I’m 25, 5’11, 165 lbs, athletic build. 

If you’re interested, let me know and I will send my picture. 

Thanks, 
Tommy

07

Sep

You can keep the dragon

After a rigorously brief overview of your profile I wanted to let you know I have already married and divorced you in my mind. 

Thanks for all the wonderful imaginary memories… you will always have a special place in my heart. 

your ex-hubby 

P.S. 
You can keep the dragon and I will keep the house on Mars =)

No idea…

Well, you sound like you might be more than just another pretty face. I get a sense 
that your inbox is probably always full of messages from guys saying how good n 
qualified they are for you. In the real life they are probably freshly divorced from 
their seventh wife, have kids… but the good news is that they have a 
good chance at finally getting a job lol

06

Sep

If you don’t have a secret crisis my dear I offer you a spot at the top of the sears tower for a nice dinner

5 unthinkable options

I propose 5 unthinkable options for your viewing pleasure at the very least. Each option provides untold pain and misery should you choose to embark: 

1. We can take things slow and have a Q&A session over a few “get to know you” e-mails before meeting. 

2. We can shift into 2nd gear, trade digits, and exchange hundreds of texts for a conversation that would’ve taken 30 minutes had we just talked. 

3. If you want to skip the foreplay, we could meet within the next couple days for drinks or dinner and embrace each others’ awesomeness. 

4. If you think you have a pair, we could shift into max gear and I could throw you into a sea of passion, rip off all your clothes, explore your body and make love to you like no other man would [NOT RECOMMENDED - JUST PUTTING IT OUT THERE]. 

5. If none of my options entice you or if number 4 drew a cold blank stare, you’re free to tell me to go violate myself with a number of objects. 

Why should I have all the fun? Feel free to add your own options or combine some of mine.